Life After Death

My husband died a little over two months ago.  He was retired from the business world but had his own small company working from home.  He was diagnosed last August with Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer so we knew it was just a matter of time -- hoping for as long as possible.  He was not eligible for anything except palliative care so he continued to work from home but began limiting his work assignments.

In the meantime, we were able to have a lot of quality time with our children and grandchildren, close friends, and each other trying to live each day as it came.  He was fortunate that he never experienced any pain -- just discomfort.

He tried to prepare me for his death and I kept putting off learning what I needed to know about the business side of his business.  He told me all I needed to do was close his business account and that would shut down all automatic debits.  However, it wasn't as easy as that because our internet, phones, and some other basic services were tied to his business account so I had to change information from the company name to my name and move debits to a personal account.  In some cases that has reduced the expense.

The state also sent me paperwork that I had no clue how to fill out when I informed them that I was closing down the business due to his death (after receiving a notice that a company report needed to be filed with the state in June).  I have procrastinated taking care of that because our children who live out of the area did not arrive until June then we had his Celebration of Life and scattered his ashes and spent family time together for three weeks.

I decided this was the week I needed to do something so I called the Secretary of State office for advice today and the young woman I spoke to suggested I obtain legal help in shutting down the company.  That's when I had the bright idea that perhaps our accountant could help me since part of what the state needs is financial information.  I called that office today and was told it was very likely they could help so I'm sending them copies of all the paperwork I've received from the state so far and they will then let me know if they can help.

I've closed a brokerage account and a checking account attached to it and moved it to a financial institution where I had already had my husband's name removed from the account.  He was a former banker so I was surprised that the money he had there was not earning very much interest so I made some changes to that account.

This week I took his name off another account.  I'd already moved a large amount out of that account to another financial institution but decided to keep it open.  What I learned at these two financial institutions was that I could name a "designated survivor" and unless I told them they wouldn't know that they were.  What it does is allow them to take my death certificate in when I die and the legal departments will review the death certificate and possibly my will and, if everything is in order, they will send that designated survivor a check.  I only have one of my children who lives near me and the others live out of country or out of state so she has been designated executor of my account.  I have informed her she is my designated survivor and this will allow her to empty my financial institution accounts and set up a trust account to pay off my bills and then distribute the remaining funds (if there are any!) to herself and her two siblings.

I was sharing this with a friend last night and she suggested I actually put this daughter as a signer on one of my accounts so, if I have a stroke or am incapacitated in any way, my daughter can pay my bills for me.  This is so much good information that I wish more people knew about.  I'm hoping I can make it easier for my daughter to settle my estate than it has been for me to settle my husband's.

When I changed the title on our home and our two cars, I learned that there was a way the title could have been set up when we purchased them that would have allowed me to just have my husband's name removed and I wouldn't have had to pay all the transfer fees I did.

So....anyone else out there have some ideas they would like to share about how to handle "Life after death.".......pazt

Rage

Recently a man was killed in what I suspect was a road rage incident not too far from my daughter's home.  All I know is what I have read in the paper.  He was close to home and his car ended up hitting the car in front of him  -- I don't know if there had been any interaction between the two drivers before this but the man in the car ahead of him got out and went back and shot and killed the other driver.  The paper said the man who was killed was only a few blocks from his home and his children who loved him.

The man who shot and killed him did not return to his car but stood on the sidelines in a crowd of people watching until someone pointed him out to the police.  It turns out many years ago in California he was involved in an incident where he shot and paralyzed another driver.  He was found not guilty by the jury but from what I read of the incident the jury felt they had no choice but that verdict even though they didn't feel right about it.  So my question -- why is that man out there again with a gun?!

As I told my family about this -- especially the grandchildren -- I reminded them how important it is not to escalate road rage incidents.

So....what did I do today?  I'm not proud of it but there is a three way stop to leave my subdivision.  Everyone is to stop at their stop sign and wait their turn to proceed to the exit.  Today I did just that and it was my turn when a young woman across from me came up to the stop sign  and proceeded to exit without stopping.  I honked at her and, since I was going the same direction she was, I followed her in the lane she was in and when she was stopped in traffic, I took out my phone & took a picture of her license tag.  She got out of the car and asked why I was taking a picture of her car and I told her it was because she didn't stop at the stop sign.  Her response - "I wouldn't want to live in your stupid subdivision anyway!"  Mine was that I was glad she didn't!

I live in an over 55 community and only residents are to be in the community unless they're accompanied by another resident so I suspect she might have been there visiting someone but I hope I don't see her again.

I am not proud of my behavior either and it has been on my mind most of the day -- Why did I react that way?  What kind of example am I setting for my grandchildren?

This was not a proud day, folks!  pazt

Taking A Break

I've been absent from my blog for a while - My husband died 63 days ago and, as executor of his will, I have had a lot of details to take care of.  Our children had been here to visit him several times since his cancer diagnosis last year so the two that live out of the area did not return the last 2 1/2 weeks of his life.   They had had a good visit with him earlier in the year which was the way I think he would have waned to be remembered. 

Our oldest daughter married a Brit and lives in England with him and their teenage daughter.  They were scheduled to arrive in June for a planned 3 week visit so our son came from Florida for the first two weeks of their visit.  The daughters planned a Celebration of Life for their father then we all made a trip to Mount Rainier the following week to spread his ashes in the valley he had shown me last September when we traveled through the area.  He had even made the contact and had the forms we needed to gain permission to spread his ashes which turned out to be easier than I expected.

Our daughter here found a house near Packwood that was perfect for the group of us going to spread the ashes.  It was large enough to comfortably house our 2 adult grandchildren, our 3 youngest grandchildren, our two daughters, our son, me, and our son-in-law.  We had room to spread out and a large kitchen and dining area in which to prepare meals and dine together and there were games!

We stayed there two nights and spread his ashes on the morning of the second day and spent some time exploring Mt. Rainier Park.

All of the children and grandchildren have gone home except the daughter and 4 grandchildren who live near me.  After our England clan returned home I had a couple of days to prepare then went to my local daughter's lake place to spend a few days there with her and my 2 youngest grandchildren.  We finished watching the third season of Netflix's "Stranger Things" which the two teenage grandchildren had us watching the first two seasons early on in the English cousin's visit so we'd be ready for the third.  My daughter is also catching me up on the Marvel movies in order.  (My husband wasn't much of a movie goer in later years and especially after his diagnosis.)  Yesterday we went to see Toy Story 4 - cute!

They returned to the lake this week and I am staying here.  I've been diagnosed with peridontal disease so have two separate deep cleaning appointments in the next week as well as planned lunch dates with two friends.  There is still a to do list to accomplish to shut down my husband's company and finish settling his estate.  Everything takes so much more time than I think it will so it is going slowly as I try to live my life around those "to do"s."

I still don't want to read and reading has always been something I loved to do!  I'm currently binge watching NCIS and looking for other shows to watch.  I restarted an every other week delivery of fruits and vegetables and my first order arrived today so I am working on getting back to my healthy plant-based eating.  I haven't entirely gone off it but I've allowed myself to eat some comfort foods off the list and I've gained 5 or 6 lbs. since my husband's death.  My husband's death hit my children and grandchildren very hard so I need to take care of myself -- don't want to compound their grief by becoming ill myself.

I am so lucky to have the support of my family and friends and now I have to learn how to live this new life without the man I was married to for 57 1/2 years!  pazt

Shazam!

Shazam!  It's been a bit since I posted as my children and grandchildren arrived from out of state and out of country 2 weeks ago for their dad's/grandpa's celebration of life and the scattering of the ashes.  Our son went home yesterday and it was harder than I expected so I suspect I'll have a difficult time when my daughter and her family leave next week to return home to England.

In the meantime, we've had a good time together reminiscing and enjoying one another's company and remembering their father/grandfather.  My daughter who lives near me has been hosting everyone at her home and tonight we watched the 2019 Shazam! movie together.  I didn't know what to expect but it was so much fun -- lighthearted super hero mingled with warm family stuff.  It's one of those movies I'll want to watch again!  Mark Strong is an excellent villain! pazt