"Outliers" - What is success?

When our couple's book club chose "Outliers - The Story of Success" by Malcolm Gladwell as our September book read, I wasn't sure I wanted to read the book.  However, when my husband and I were in Port Townsend, I found a paperback copy of the book in a small book store and began reading it while waiting in line for the ferry back to Edmonds.  Since my husband and I were both reading it, I was glad when the hardback copy I'd ordered from the local library arrived so I could give him the paperback copy to highlight as he pleased.  I read the book through before our meeting last night and he actually read it twice.

We had a spirited discussion at book club last night (that lasted 30-45 minutes longer than our normal sessions) with some divergent opinions about the book's content but no one disputed that the author has a formula for presenting the information with anecdotes and excerpts from published research that makes for an interesting read.  What we didn't discuss -- and I didn't think about it until we were driving home -- was something my husband and I had discussed - What is success?

Gladwell looks at success in terms of how well people do in school and professionally but is that your definition of success?  I would like to think that I define success in more personal terms and that it's not dependent on how well I did in school (although I have a master's degree) or how well I did in the work place.  Success to me lies in my 51 year marriage to the same man who is also my best friend.  Success is having a close relationship with my children and grandchildren and their spouses.  Success (for me) lies in personal relationships of all types and working to maintain them.  I don't think that type of success can be achieved by individuals focusing solely on their career -- or maybe I'm wrong?  How could you have time to build a relationship with your spouse and children if you spend an inordinate amount of time advancing your career?  How do you juggle both of those?

Having said that I have to admit that even I -- who believes personal relationships are a priority -- don't spend as much time as I would like getting together with friends and maintaining those relationships.  My spouse and my children/grandchildren take precedence then time at work (because I need some income) with maintaining friendships last.

In the book, Gladwell talks about "The Roseto Mystery" where Italians from the town of Roseto sailed to New York and eventually settled in Pennsylvania where they basically recreated their home town and its customs.  When a doctor studied these villages in the 1950's at a time when heart attacks were an epidemic in the U. S., he rarely found anyone under the age of 65 from Roseto with heart disease and even with those over 65 death from heart disease was about half that of the entire U.S.  When they began to look at the community, diet and exercise couldn't explain their findings nor could genetics or the location where they settled.  They finally decided the secret to their good health lie with the community itself and their interactions and close relationships.  There was no "separateness" - a lesson we could all use especially in this pre-election political environment!

Sadly, though, my husband just started another book that mentions that Roseto and this insulated community didn't survive.  As young people grew up, the community changed and lost its cohesiveness.  That change means they suffer all the same illnesses as the rest of the country at the same rates.

What does this say to me?  It tells me how important it is to create and sustain relationships for our physical and mental health as well as our social well-being.  Something my spouse read talks about how joining even one group or club can increase resistance to health problems.  I've read in the past how much longer people live who do volunteer work and how married men seem to live longer than unmarried men.  It suggests to me that relationships are important and sustaining positive ones throughout our life is a good thing.  It's not to say that you can't have positive relationships with co-workers but, if work is your whole life, how do you find time to develop those personal relationships outside work that enrich your life emotionally and impact your health positively?  Something to think about.....pazt