"Philomena"

"Philomena" was written by Martin Sixsmith and is based on the true story of a young woman, Philomena Lee, who was sent to a convent after becoming pregnant as a teen.  There she gave birth to a son, Anthony Lee.  She worked in the laundry during the day but was able to spend time with her son during the evening.  When she and another young mother became friends, they played together with their son and daughter bringing those two children close enough that they were like brother and sister.

Times were harsh and "fallen"women weren't accepted in general Irish society so the women gave up their children for adoption after they'd spent the first three years of the child's life raising them.  The young women were forced to sign relinquishment papers and, when the children were adopted, they weren't even told that they were leaving the convent -- often not discovering it until they went to see their children that evening and learned they were gone.

The nuns had total control over when the girls could leave the convent,when the children were adopted, and they received compensation from the adoptive parents that went entirely to the convent. Although there were some nuns who showed kindness, the girls were mostly treated as sinners and shamed, sometimes beaten,and made to work long hours.  They were told never to try to look for their children and never to speak of them to anyone.

Anthony and Mary were adopted together because Marge Hess, who made the trip from America to adopt a daughter into their family of three sons, saw how close the two children were and felt she couldn't break up this "brother and sister."  Being adopted together was a comfort to them because they had each other to console but both were bewildered by what they'd done (obviously something very bad) to make their "mammies" give them away.

In the meantime Philomena was sent to England to work at another convent with wayward boys.  She eventually left and found a position to train as a nurse.  She married and had another son and a daughter but never spoke of Anthony to them or her husband.  She divorced that husband and remarried but her children noticed that she was always depressed around Christmas (which was when Anthony left the convent to join his new family in America).  When she finally told her children about Anthony's existence the search began to find him but everything about adoptions from that time was cloaked in secrecy.

In the meantime, Anthony and Mary were raised in Catholic schools in Rockford, Ill, where Marge's brother was a bishop and their adoptive father,"Doc," was a urologist.  Mary graduated from high school while Anthony (now named Mike Hess) was away at college.  Marge's brother, who Mike had been close to, had died and Doc was ready for some warmer weather so the family of three remaining at home moved to Florida.  Eventually Mary became pregnant and married the father and gave birth to a son.

In the meantime, Mike had completed college and law school and was working in D.C. where he'd once done an internship (arranged by Doc) with Senator Dirkson from Illinois.  Although a liberal and Democrat, Mike ended up working for the Republican National Committee and eventually becoming the leading lawyer in the Bush administration.

At that time it would have been political suicide to be gay so Mike had to hide that part of himself but he discovered many other closet gays in the D.C. area who held high positions.  He had several lovers and two long term relationships but he was haunted always by not feeling worthy and sometimes sabotaged those relationships because he didn't feel he deserved to be happy.

He maintained contact with his adoptive family until Marge's death then he only continued contact with Mary.  He began a search for the missing piece -- his birthmother -- but ran into the same walls as she did searching for him.

The author does an excellent job of sharing some of the struggles adoptive children have as well as exposing the harshness of the Irish Catholic adoption process at the time Mike was a child.  He also gives us an in depth look at Mike's life -- especially his years in D.C.

When Mike learns he is dying of AIDS, he arranges to be buried at the convent where he was born and his wishes are carried out by his partner, Pete.  Pete inherits the bulk of his estate with a bequest going to his sister, Mary.

Although Mike and Philomena do not find each other while Mike is still alive, Philomena does eventually discover his grave at the convent and finds some peace at last.  The author also arranges a meeting between Philomena and Pete so she can learn about the man her son become.  She admits she could never have given him the life he had in America.

This excellent story has been made into a movie which I have not seen but I highly recommend the book.  pazt